Trail Report · Est. 2026 · Montana
You glassed that ridge for eleven minutes. You were certain. It was a stump. It was always a stump.
Pick the one you were sure about.
The whole thing, honestly
00:00
A dark shape on the far bench. Big. Broad. Not moving, which somehow makes it worse.
00:04
Glass up. Breath held. You start whispering to whoever is unlucky enough to be next to you.
00:11
It is a stump. It has been a stump this entire time. It will be a stump tomorrow.
If you know, you know.
New Sightings
The latest drop. Every one of these was, for a moment, absolutely certainly a living breathing animal. Every one of these was wood.
Standing broadside at three hundred yards. Shoulder, hump, the whole animal. Roots.
Eleven minutes on the glass. Both lenses agreed. Both lenses were wrong.
Head down, feeding, right out in the open meadow. Bark.
The one that stings. You didn't get stumped. You got rocked.
First light, first glass, first stump. The season starts the way it always does.
The List
New designs, opening-day releases, and the occasional stump worth seeing. No spam, and you can leave whenever you like.
Shop
Printed and shipped for you. Stickers go out in an envelope, tees in a bag, and nobody has to know how long you glassed that ridge.
$32 · comfort-fit tee
$32 · comfort-fit tee
$32 · comfort-fit tee
$32 · comfort-fit tee
$32 · comfort-fit tee
$8 · 4″ die-cut vinyl
$8 · 4″ die-cut vinyl
$8 · 4″ die-cut vinyl
$8 · 4″ die-cut vinyl
$8 · 4″ die-cut vinyl
$20 · pick your three at checkout
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The Lineup
Tees, hoodies and long sleeves in the sizes you actually wear. Store opening soon.
The joke stated plainly, box already filled in. The one people read across a parking lot.
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The exact moment, rendered in full. Look through the lenses. Those antlers are branches.
Notify me →Sun-backed, shoulder-humped, and made entirely of roots. Convincing right up until it isn't.
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Head down in the wildflowers, feeding. Give it a second look. Then a third.
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The badge. Binoculars up, stump below, one paw print and one hoof print. Est. 2026.
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Same report, cream stock, full scene attached. For when you want the evidence included.
Notify me →Field Notes
Every photo here is ours. Most of them are of actual animals.
Submitted without comment
Shot at maximum zoom from a pullout. We watched it for six minutes. Chris was certain. Teresa was certain. Two other cars pulled over because we were certain.
It did not move once.
Who filed the report
We're Teresa and Chris. Between us we've called in more stumps than animals, and we've stopped pretending otherwise.
Every design here started as something one of us swore was a grizzly. The country is real, the binoculars are real, and the wildlife is out there — just, statistically, not in the direction we were pointing.
Made for anyone who has ever whispered "don't move, don't move" at a piece of dead timber.
— Teresa & Chris